Where did you get a picture of my penis
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
