I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
