last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
