I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
