Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Drunk is not a location!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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