I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
