My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
