You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
