i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize