Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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