i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
