Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
