No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
