I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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