just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
