Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
