Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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