I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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