Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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