At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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