literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
