my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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