so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize