I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
