I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
