I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
