Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
