I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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