He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
