i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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