I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
God, you're like boner-b-gone
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
