Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
