if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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