fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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