Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
