shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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