I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
