you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize