absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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