Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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