that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
