just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
