I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
