we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
