you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
