she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
