Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
