What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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