i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's never too late to be topless.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
