My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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