So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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