you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
