question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
