that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
