You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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