so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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