I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
