So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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