Umm I'm too high to move.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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