Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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