I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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