it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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