FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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