Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
