just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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