it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
