we're chasing vodka with high fives
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
