so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
