my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just had sex on a roof
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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